


Goose Goes to Hell

by Silex



Category: Hellraiser (Movies), Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Untitled Goose Game Fusion, Attempt at Humor, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:28:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28612077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silex/pseuds/Silex
Summary: It’s a horrible day in the Labyrinth and you are a lovely goose…No, actually the goose is still horrible and nothing will ever change that.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 13
Collections: Holiday Horror 2020





	Goose Goes to Hell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wiccy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wiccy/gifts).



> The Goose continues to wreak havoc across fandoms! Fear the HONK!

_~~Open the Lament Configuration~~ _

_~~Steal a box of t-pins~~ _

Chatterer’s usual rictus grimace was even more so than normal as he pursued the Goose through the dimly lit corridors of the Labyrinth. It had taken the t-pins he had been using for a very particular bit of vivisection and then run, leaving the penitent he had been working with open and waiting.

Mortification of the flesh was an important task and, though not time sensitive, something that there was a rhythm to, a pattern that had to be followed.

The Goose had ruined it all.

Caught us as he was in finding the bird and getting those t-pins back he didn’t notice Butterball prowling the halls until he turned a corner and nearly ran into him.

There was a very awkward moment of mutual conciliatory gestures and frustrated pantomime until Chatterer noticed that Butterball was missing his glasses.

Clearly the Goose had been busy.

A hurried discussion followed as to the best approach for dealing with the situation. The Goose had to be caught, there was no doubt as to that, but how to do it?

Butterball had a snare of chain and treble hooks, which would solve the issue of the Goose itself once they found it, but would do nothing to recover his glasses or the t-pins, which the Goose might no longer have had. The missing t-pins weren’t an issue, Chatterer was willing to admit that he could always get more, but it was a matter of principle.

Not to mention, until dealt with the Goose would continue to wreak havoc of very undesirable sorts. That it had inconvenienced both of them so badly spoke to there being, if not a pattern, at least a trend. The Goose took things and hopefully that was the extent to its machinations.

Glasses and pins notwithstanding, the Goose had to be stopped, they could both agree with that.

Elsewhere within the Labyrinth something shifted, as often happened, followed by screams and manic laughter.

Again, not uncommon occurrences, but given the situation possibly worth investigating. If the Goose had enacted a plan to let their hard won captives roam free that would certainly be trouble. There was no hope of escape, of course, at least nothing that the Goose could manage on its own from within the Labyrinth, but getting those captives back where they belonged would be a challenge and a waste of time.

In fact, Butterball used that as the basis for a very persuasive agreement as to why there was very good reason to see the source of the commotion given that the Goose was about. With the trouble it had already caused the two of them it was far better to deal with things decisively rather than let the Goose continue doing whatever inscrutable purpose it was following.

Far nearer chains could be heard rattling and the two exchanged a look.

Had the Labyrinth itself dealt with the issue for them? Had members of another Gash found the Goose?

Both were possible, and likely according to Butterball, though he’d always been prone to uncalled for optimism in most things.

Chatterer was willing to agree, mostly because even before the Goose had interfered he had been behind on his tasks. It wasn’t his fault though, he truly enjoyed his work and tended to get caught up in the small details of it, making art in his own image on living canvasses. His creations, the Cenobites he created from the penitents that sought the Order of the Gash, were beyond reproach, even if it took him time. Or at least that was what he told himself as he worked, that he was creating art and art took time.

What he did to the Goose when he caught it wouldn’t be art, far from it.

If he could bargain it from whoever had caught it he would indulge in base violence, as he was inclined when left to his own devices. It would be a distraction, but it would also be extremely cathartic.

Butterball didn’t argue, save for what the fastest way to get to where they had heard the sound of chains.

The ever shifting nature of the Labyrinth meant that he was as likely wrong as he was right in his logic.

He insisted on taking the nearest ramp up, while Chatterer was certain that the set of stairs to their left leading downwards would bring them to where they needed to be sooner.

The argument was rendered moot when, preceded by an echoing ‘HONK’, stone ground against stone and the section of the Labyrinth they were in reconfigured itself, as it was wont to do.

Straight was the way to go then and they boldly strode down the hall, meeting Pinhead at a four way intersection.

Their hurried explanations trailed off under the force of his glare.

“Get back to whatever you’re supposed to be doing,” he snapped and brushed past the hapless pair.

Butterball made a feeble attempt to explain the Goose and his missing glasses.

“Was I unclear?” Pinhead turned on heel, “Do you think I care about your excuses?”

Chatterer made the mistake of grinding his teeth a little too loudly in a failed attempt not to make any sound.

“Does this amuse you?” the lead Cenobite demanded, offering no clarification as to what he meant by ‘this’, “I won’t tolerate insubordination.”

Butterball, misunderstanding that Pinhead meant ‘you’ in the general sense and that it was aimed at both of them, not just Chatterer, tried to explain the Goose and his missing glasses.

And that was how the two of them spent the next several minutes extricating themselves from coils of barbed wire that had emerged from gaps in the stone walls.

Only afterwards did it occur to either of them that several of Pinhead's pins were bent, as though he had encountered some misfortune moment prior to meeting them.

_~~Cause the Pontifex of Hell to bump his head~~ _

_Escape_

_Cause chaos someplace new…_


End file.
